A TWISTED TAIL OF A DRUNK FOX
COMING THIS SUMMER: the feel good horror movie of the year....Johnny Depp plays Justin Wozniak aka THE DRUNK FOX in.....(Drum roll)....A TWISTED TAIL OF A DRUNK FOX!
January 8th, 1935, A day that will live in the history of rock music forever, a boy was born in Tupelo, Mississippi.....20 years later he got his first recording "Thats Alright Mama" played on the radio, wich would lead to ELVIS PRESLEY becoming THE KING OF ROCK AND ROLL!~
Fast forward 31 years now!~ January 8th 1986!~ Nothing happened that day, BUT on the 9th Justin Wozniak was born!~ Almost like the planets lined up and sparked the beginning of a new era......
In some science lab: one day justin was drunk in science class(you know it!~ You were ther.....)...picking apart what was the remains of a fox...when somehow it came ALIVE...
AND BIT HIM!~~~
DUN DUN DUN!!~~~~~
Not knowing what to do, he ripped the head off the fox started sucked the blood from the foxs head....(tasted like chicken!~) mmmmm
Hunter s thompson and the A&W bear came rushing into the room to find justin DEAD on the floor.
The A&W bear gave him CPR (wich stands for "Canadian Pacific Rialway") and revived him....
"for now on the world should know me only as THE DRUNK FOX"
And outta nowhere Justin bit the A&W bear...
"Wheres the cream filling???"
From that day forward the A&W bear was ONE BADASS GANGSTER MOTHERFUCKER WHO LOVED THE MUFF!~!
He robbed the biggest coke dealers in columbia!~ Stashed it all in his teen burgers! Till George Jung got aholda him that is!~
Nobody ever saw the A&W bear alive again....true story!~
Hunter S Thompson had been in town covering the Kentucky derby (yeh, you know the story....) , and handed the Drunk Fox some ether.....but he took too much....took too much...took too much....Ill remember your face....
So everybody hopped into the Batmobile and drove off into the sunset.....
The next day there was an evil lurching in the background....PURE EVIL!~
"In the DUSTS OF HELL lurked the blackest of hates, for he whom they feared awaited them".........
(Silence)
John Lennon!!!!!~
The Drunk Fox knew he had stumbled acros something sooo evil, sooo terrifying the world would cry for screetchy guitar solos...
And outta nowhere the Drunk Fox bit him~!
DUN DUN DUN
But thats another story.....
And with the whisp of his magical RANDY FUCKIN RHOADS GUITAR, THE DRUNK FOX rocked those bitches till the cows came home!~
And when they did come home, he gave lucy the cow a cowbell and told her to turn it up!~ MORE COWBELL!~
Lucy in the sky with a cowbell!~
"I will steal from the poor and say FUCK the rich!.....bringing only my gui-tar and a bottle of TEQUILA!" ...and maybe some lemons.....and some cigarettes, and maybe some hash....??/
I shall brush the world clean of shitty ass boy bands and turn up the treble till your ears bleed! Then turn it up more and scream in the mic...."FOXEY LADY!!!!!!!!!!!........
here I come girl...Im comin ta getcha"
And with those notes lyrics sang, JIMI Hendrix And BRIAN Jones clawed there way out of there graves to give him their special batch of MUSHROOMS!~
(dun ner ner ner ner neee)(Star spangled banner)
BUY THE TICKET TAKE THE RIDE!~
(Traci lords walks into the room)..."I was juss watchin the Flinstones and thought of you"
The drunk fox: ``Oh ill make your bed rock baby!"
Traci Lords and the Drunk Fox GOT-It-ON!~
...Bow-chicka-wow-wow!~
And just like that kids, a legend had been born!
SO DONT MISS THE FEEL GOOD HIT OF THE WINTER!~
A TWISTED TAIL OF A DRUNK FOX